“Can you hear that, Jimbo? The beast is a six banger. Wicked CFM. IFS, too. Stroker and headers. Air scoop and backfire for this Cuda.”
Car talk among men is a secret code. To the uninitiated, specs and auto slang sound like Cold War coordinates or the names of Black op missions. Six banger? That’s the number of cylinders in a muscle car’s engine. Cuda? It’s shorthand for the Plymouth Barracuda. Welcome to the secret world of men and their automobiles. You won’t find this society in Yale, but in greasemonkey garages, driveways, basements, raceways and car shows, where men polish fenders or prepare to get fast and furious.
Certain cars attract certain guys. And while the motorhead girl (you know, the one with the anchor tattoo who drinks her coffee with anti-freeze) would strip a lug nut if she heard this, the attraction a guy has for a car is like the attraction he has for a certain type a woman. Perhaps that’s why cars and women share so many similar names: Shelby, Mercedes, Lexus and don’t forget Portia (Porsche). For those looking for insight into the secret world of men and their automobiles, here’s a list of cars and the type of man they attract.
Hybrids: Aging Hippies and Eco-Warriors
To borrow and retool a phrase from John Lennon: All we are saying … is give hybrids a chance. Woodstock baby boomers and eco-warriors love the Toyota Prius. According to Toyota.com, the Prius gets 51/48 estimated mpg. While that’s not as good as an electric car, at least you won’t have to try find a charger on Interstate 95 at rush hour once your battery is sapped. The Prius is billed as the hybrid that started it all, and while there are more than 30 types of hybrids on the market, it’s still the best.
Muscle Cars: Classic Rock Lovers, Suburban Dads and Weightlifters
Nothing screams rock ‘n’ roll like a muscle car. It doesn’t matter if it’s a Mustang or a Shelby Cobra; these bad boys are a magnet for long-haired classic rock lovers, or suburban dads who are once again growing their hair long, playing Blue Oyster Cult on their old Panasonic stereos and attempting to relive their glory days. Forget about gas mileage, practicality or car seats–muscle cars are about attitude. When your muscle car is stored in the garage, be sure to have an old, vinyl-padded weight bench beside it, as this will allow you to pump some iron between sets of washing, waxing and buffing. No Blue Oyster Cult in your music collection? Foghat will have to do.
Nissan Skyline GT-R: Men Who Play Gran Turismo and Men Who Dream of Commandeering a Spaceship
Yes, the Nissan Skyline GT-R is fast. That’s probably how the car got its name. One minute you see the skyline approaching, the next minute you’ve hit light-speed like Hans Solo in the Millennium Falcon and the skyline is a blur in the rearview. This is how Nissan describes the vehicle: “What we envision is this: grab the steering wheel of the GT-R and you, the driver, is overcome by the world’s strongest, the one and only feeling of utter elation.” However, being that these sports cars were never manufactured outside of Japan, getting your hands on one is like finding the Holy Grail. Still, the car has accelerated into pop culture, showing up in the classic video game “Gran Turismo” as well “The Fast and the Furious” franchise.